“My husband prefers our son”

Although it’s not always very noticeable and it doesn’t happen every day, Lydia can only conclude that her husband favors their son over their daughter. “Maybe it’s subconscious because he’s always wanted to have a son, but I notice that he’s less likely to get mad at him, that our son is entitled to something faster – a candy , stays awake longer – and gets more attention. It hurts me, and sometimes our daughter also says ‘daddy loves Liam.’ When I tell my husband, he denies it. What can I do?”

One parent favoring another child is more common in families, says therapist and postpartum specialist Tilda Klumpenaar of Frou Frou guidance“It’s nerve-wracking when that happens, both for the child who is favored and for the other where it doesn’t happen. At the same time, we’re only human and these things happen. It’s important That you keep talking to your partner about it, make it factual and point out what you see, instead of getting bogged down in a no frills discussion.

Klumpenaar: “So don’t identify too much with yourself, but explain what this favoritism does to your daughter. Children have feelers and notice everything, which is also evident from your daughter’s comment. It’s not nice for your son either. Perhaps in the short term, after all, every child likes to have their own path or extra attention, but in the long term, children benefit the most from balance.”

Therapist Klumpenaar has another piece of advice: as a parent, don’t overcompensate the other child. “A lot of mothers feel responsible for everything, but you don’t have to fix what someone else is causing. Your partner has to see this for themselves – you can help them with this – and deal with it. You can also discuss it with him in private what it does to you that he doesn’t take your signals seriously, the most important thing is that you get together on this and work through this with open communication.

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